A few weeks ago, I received a personal and confidential letter from an old friend I had not seen for a few months. When I opened the envelope I read a brief note that said, “Times are tough. You all are doing great work. Please use this check where it will do the most good.” Included with the note was a check for $100,000. No matter the wealth of the donor, gifts of this size, given in this economic climate, do not come without sacrifice. Clearly this particular gentleman saw that helping others in need at this time was a very important thing to do. It goes without saying that we are very grateful and it could not have come at a better time!
Dennis Prager is an author, lecturer, and host of a radio show in Los Angeles who often writes and speaks about challenging moral issues that our society faces today. In speaking with his audience, he sometimes asks parents to review their child rearing experiences with their children and ask them what was the most important goal that the parents had hoped each child would achieve. Was it that the child be smart? Be successful? Be happy? Or be good? An interesting question for each of us to ask our own children, don’t you think?
Throughout the United States today, I suspect that “being good” has been replaced by some other goal as the most important thing to achieve in one’s life. Being good doesn’t necessarily produce happiness or success but provides true guidance for what’s important in life, even if it involves self sacrifice.
As this economic crisis continues to unfold around us, it is clear that many individuals have placed success, particularly financial success, as their most important goal in life. When that happens, the results can many times be tragic and painful for that individual and the individuals close to that person.
Every day at Catholic Charities, I am privileged to see countless volunteers who commit their time, their emotional energy, and their money to helping other people in their struggles. Almost universally each volunteer will say they have received far more than they ever gave. I suspect our above-mentioned donor already knows this fact.
If you have had an occasion to receive much more than you gave, please share.
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Recently our family lost a dear loyal family member when our Newfoundland dog, Noah, passed away. In “Newfie” years, Noah had lived to a relatively old age of 11, but his passing was still a sorrowful family event.
Noah was the unofficial “family greeter” always rising from his slumber (we swore he slept about 22 hours every day) to greet each of us whenever we came through the door. His greeting was always a challenge for the “greetee” as Noah felt compelled to wipe his perpetually saliva- filled jowls against the slacks or skirt of the lucky person being greeted. Always steady, always affable, he was truly a gentle giant. On walks he was never all that interested in other dogs, but rather focused his attention on the walk itself and the person with him. When any family member felt down or was in need of a hug he was always there and ready to oblige bringing comfort and peace wherever he went. As the years moved on, it became more and more of a chore for him to get up from his naps until eventually he couldn’t greet anyone. His sight and his hearing almost disappeared. His breathing became more and more labored until it was clearly an issue that was making him uncomfortable. When he finally died we were with him as his breathing became less and less labored and he peacefully passed from this life.
As I look back on this extraordinary animal, his life and his death, I am simply in awe of the miracle of life. This miracle that surrounds us every day and happens so routinely that we take it for granted until it is no longer there. This miracle is present in countless ways that we see every day yet, because of the omnipresence of life events, we become complacent and do not truly see the miracles occurring around us. The Spring arrival of the forsythia, tulips, and azaleas, the chipmunk scurrying to secure food in the garden, the faithful dogs all over the world bringing peace and joy to their owners, and all the people, in their incredible diversity, who make up this planet of ours.
Truly life is precious and as inhabitants of this planet we all have the responsibility to see this life among us, in all its forms, as anything but routine. God manifests Himself to us through this miracle – we only have to take the time and see the miracle of God living among us. Noah represented another beautiful reminder of this miracle.
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One evening a few weeks ago I had the opportunity to speak at a reception hosted by our Planned Giving Advisory Committee that works to promote planned gifts benefiting the works of Catholic Charities. These dedicated professionals and their guests are accountants, wealth managers, lawyers, and others who advise individuals in the planning of their estates and charitable giving.
We met at the new My Sister’s Place Women’s Center, but meetings like this can take on a kind of sterile environment when the women served are not there. If the meeting had started at 7 a.m., everyone would have seen a large group of women clustered around the door waiting for the program to open. They would be greeted by our welcoming staff, offered a nice breakfast, and go to classes and case management appointments. If the meeting had been held at noon, everyone would have seen 70 women come in from the street for a hot lunch meal prepared and served by a cadre of volunteers. If the meeting had been held at 4 p.m., the participants would have seen the staff making sure that all the women who needed a secure place to stay for that night would have a safe haven and assisting the volunteers who were busy preparing to cook and serve the evening meal to the ladies and their children.
But why was I talking to these people about the importance of individuals planning gifts for the future to benefit this program? The answer to that question rests in another question. Ten years from now, if we are not here, who will open those doors for the women waiting outside? Who will organize the volunteers to prepare and serve the meals? Who will pay for the heat and lights for the building? Who will ensure that women with no place to stay for the night will find a safe haven?
The income from a will, a trust, or a beneficiary designation can ensure that Catholic Charities is here for those women who need us. No matter the time of day, the ladies count on us. Planned gifts made today ensure our - and their - tomorrows.
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I’m sure many of you (or both of you depending on how many folks read this blog!) have seen the announcement of my retirement as executive director of Catholic Charities of Baltimore and the appointment of my wonderful successor, Bill McCarthy. I must say this whole retirement thing has been an interesting exercise so far. Having spent an enormous amount of time over the past 35 years focused on the works of Catholic Charities, it will be a new experience to be allocating my time with a different focus.
These past years have been a tremendous learning experience for me, sometimes painful sometimes joyful, but always a learned experience. One of the first things I learned early on was this agency was going to be as successful as the people who worked here wanted it to be. My chief responsibility was to make sure we had the very best people in place to deliver the best service possible to those who came to us for help. The next thing I learned was when good people worked at a place and liked what they were doing they attracted other good people who wanted to work with them. In the process the whole agency got stronger and better. By the way, along the way I learned that the converse of this rule was true too. If people didn’t really care all that much about the work, they would attract like minded people as well.
My job was not only to make sure the right folks got hired, but that we had a clear passion and vision about what we were doing to make people’s lives better so that those good folks would select us as their work site of preference because they knew that here they would make a difference. One of the most interesting things about people who do this Catholic Charities work is that they have a lot of choices about where they will make their commitment. For all these folks, working here is not just a job; it is a life work that fulfills their personal, professional, and spiritual goals. This is work that totally engages the body, mind, and soul of the person. You can’t do this work on automatic pilot. It demands your full engagement. The result is the opportunity to use all your god-given talents so that this world will be a better place for all.
I have seen my job over the years as trying to provide a vision, a passion if you will, that provides a receptive framework for all the individuals who either work or volunteer to serve. Hopefully they have seen in the leadership of the agency the same passion, the same commitment, and the same diligence that they bring to their work. It is the most satisfying and fulfilling life that anyone could imagine.
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A few years ago I was taking some new board members on a tour of one of our programs that served women who had lost custody of their children because of abuse of their children. These women were all referred to our program as an alternative for a sentence that otherwise would be served in a correctional facility. They all started out not happy to be there, but realized it was better than the alternative. As the months passed by, the women made extraordinary progress in understanding themselves and how their actions had led them to lose custody of their children. I wanted our board members to get first-hand knowledge of these women and, in particular, how they learned an extraordinary amount from each other as they supported each other in the long trek back to regain custody of their children. Without exception, the women were all impressive as each told her story of personal abuse with a litany of broken personal relationships.
During the course of the meeting I asked the women to share what was different about their relationships with men now that they had been in the program for a few months. They all thought about it and one woman volunteered an answer that has stayed with me since that day. She said, “You know what’s different for now, I make me happy – I don’t need a man to make me happy. I’d be happier with one, but I don’t need a man.” “I make me happy,” what a great accomplishment this woman has achieved. She has a self-esteem that eluded her for most of her life and with that newfound self-esteem came a major life-style change. By respecting herself, she wasn’t about to abuse her body with drugs or allow a mate to take advantage of her or to abuse her children. She had the best kind of respect, a respect of herself.
There are many social programs that reach out to try to help people change their lives and I am convinced that the most successful of these programs all inspire the participants to a knowledge of their true inner worth and beauty. I know this happens throughout Catholic Charities every day of the year – From the abused child who comes to St. Vincent’s Center, to the developmentally disabled individual who comes to Gallagher Services, to the homeless man who comes to Our Daily Bread. Once they see their inner goodness they are on track to live their life in very different way from their past. Our staff and volunteers are there to help make it happen. It is a dynamic change process that makes our whole community stronger.
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I came across this piece, (of unknown origin) the other day and thought it worth sharing with you. For me, it captured in a very real way the essence of good friends.
“There is a field with two horses in it. From a distance each horse looks like any other horse. But if you stop your car or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing. Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, and has made a good home for him.
This action alone is amazing.
If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to the horse’s halter is a small bell. It lets the blind horse know where the other horse is so he can follow.
As you stand and watch these two horses you’ll see that the horse with the bell is always checking on the blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for the bell and then slowly walk to where the other horse is, trusting that he will not be led astray.
When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and looks back, making sure that the blind friend isn’t too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need.
Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing of the bell of those whom God places in our lives. Other times we are the guide horse, helping others to find their way.
ooGood friends are like that…you may not always see them, but you know they are always there. Please listen for my bell and I’ll listen for yours.
Remember… be kind… everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly… Leave the rest to… God.”
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Every day in Catholic Charities, our staff and volunteers reach out and literally touch the lives of people in desperate need of a loving word or a helping hand. We provide food, clothing, and shelter–but the gift of a loving heart from someone who cares for you has a value that cannot be overestimated.
Mary Ann Bird grew up in the Midwest and shares this story of her childhood. “I grew up knowing that I was different and I hated it. I was born with a cleft palate and when I started school, my classmates made it clear to me how I looked to others: a little girl with a misshapen lip, crooked nose, lopsided teeth, and garbled speech. When my schoolmates would ask, ‘what happened to your lip?’ I’d tell them I’d fallen and cut it on a piece of glass. Somehow it seemed more acceptable to have suffered an accident than to have been born different. I was convinced that no one outside my family could love me.
“There was, however, a teacher in the second grade whom we all adored–Mrs. Leonard by name. She was short, round, happy–a sparkling lady. Annually we would have a hearing test. Mrs. Leonard gave the test to everyone in the class and finally it was my turn to have my hearing tested. I knew from past years that as we stood against the door and covered one ear, the teacher sitting at her desk would whisper something and we would have to repeat it back. Things like ‘the sky is blue’ or ‘do you have new shoes?’ I waited there for those words that God must have put in her mouth, those seven words that changed my life. Mrs. Leonard said in her whisper, ‘I wish you were my little girl.’”
Each one of us has the opportunity to be a Mrs. Leonard in our own life and truly touch the life of another. It happens every day at Catholic Charities. I encourage you to join our volunteers and enrich your life as well as those you serve.
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This Gospel tells the powerful story of the leper who approaches Jesus asking to be cured of his leprosy. The setting for this encounter is one in which those individuals with the disease were required to announce themselves to any passersby by proclaiming “Unclean, Unclean!” thereby protecting others from potentially contracting the disease.
I am struck today by how this scene resonates with the homeless we see on our streets every day. They may be panhandlers or simply living in their own world of mental illness, but their look and their clothes announce them to passersby in a way that I suspect has much the same effect today as it did 2000 years ago. The wonderful contrast to this scene of today is the presence of welcome and hospitality that the homeless of Baltimore experience every day at Our Daily Bread, Catholic Charities’ food program. While the homeless may be shunned or ignored on the street, they are welcomed with warmth and affection at Our Daily Bread. Every day it takes 36 volunteers to serve this meal to the 700 people who show up–and these volunteers do a lot more than serve the meal.
Sr. Gwynette Proctor, a former director of Our Daily Bread, used to say “we’re primarily in the hospitality business, not the food business.” The food is a means to the end of affirming the worth and dignity of each person who comes through those Catholic Charities doors. The volunteers and the staff are the people who extend that warmth and affirmation to make it all possible. I am so proud to have the opportunity to work alongside these wonderful people – it is truly a blessing.
If you have had the humbling experience at Our Daily Bread of serving these folks who are mired in poverty, please share.
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When Charlie Fecher wrote a history of the first 75 years of Catholic Charities, he included a quote from a daughter of one of the residents at St Elizabeth’s, our nursing and rehabilitation center. The daughter said, “Thanks for caring when almost nobody notices–those times when the family isn’t around and the resident won’t remember–and you take an extra minute to make them feel special with a kind word or deed.” These wonderful words have stayed with me over the years as they capture in some way the quality of care throughout Catholic Charities.
The importance of all this was reemphasized for me once again during a visit last week with my mother at the dementia care facility where she resides in Maine. Meal time is a very social event as she and about six other residents sit around a circular dining arrangement that allows the three staff to assist in feeding the residents while maintaining eye contact and communication with everyone at the table. My mother has taken to not eating very often and needs prompting and assistance to eat. She is, however, very social during this whole process, chatting away in her “word salad” and blowing kisses and smiling to all around her. The staff is very solicitous of her and during that one meal I counted four different staff people going out of their way to bring her some food item that she might like as an encouragement for her to eat. (The heavily buttered piece of toast and the strawberry smoothie proved to be big hits!)
As the meal was winding down and my mother and I were the last ones left at the table, a lady from the janitorial staff was coming through to work on clean up. She came over to me and somewhat hesitatingly asked me if I was Josephine’s son. When I responded that I was, she said in a lowered voice so that no one else could hear, “I just love your Mom.”
Knowing that this same character of caring is present today in every one of our Catholic Charities programs gives me, and I know all our staff, an enormous sense of pride in our work. That spirit was captured by the St Elizabeth’s resident’s daughter in our history but it lives on today. If you’ve been touched by extraordinary kindness, please share.
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Having now spent almost 35 years as an employee of Catholic Charities, I hope you will indulge me a little bit of strolling down memory lane. One of the first employees I met when I came to Catholic Charities was Miss Catherine Fenton. Catherine was a wonderful bright lady with a sparkling wit, a love for the church, and a deep reverent commitment to Catholic Charities. She came to Catholic Charities at age 18 and served as the secretary to every executive director of Catholic Charities during her time here. She loved to tell the story of Msgr. Leonard, Catholic Charities’ first director, giving her a straw basket and sending her up to Penn Station to beg for money from travelers passing through! Catholic Charities first Development Department!
She was a true Baltimorean from her accent to her love of the city. She was my dear friend and taught me an enormous amount about the community and Charities, but the one part of her character that has always stayed with me over the years was her commitment to the staff of the agency. She would take it upon herself to take raw, untrained 18-year-olds and prepare them not just for working in a professional environment, but she tried to help prepare them for life. Because she was so approachable and wise, people sought her out for advice and guidance about their work and their life. Catherine was always there for them.
She brought the same discipline and commitment to others in her personal life that she encouraged in others. Catherine never married, but cared for her elderly mother through her mother’s dementia until her mother died. I remember Catherine telling me of leaving work after one brutal snow storm, and because she didn’t drive and the buses weren’t running, she hiked through hip-deep snow in order to get to her apartment in the 3900 block of North Charles Street where her mother was waiting for her. Catherine Fenton – one of the true giants of Catholic Charities!
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